So I do this thing…..when I’m standing and talking to you in your kitchen there is an above average chance I will take my hand an swipe/scoop it across your counter and collect any discoverable crumbs. I struggle with idle….I always have…so I keep busy.
Its a strange behavior….I know that, and sadly its not a new behavioral quirk. I have been in a friend or neighbors house….talking to them in their kitchen., and without wanting will swipe my hand across their counter, and then walked over to their sink to deposit my collection. As soon as I complete the action…. I snap out of my trance like some sort of weird Manchurian Candidate, and yell “Oh my goodness!! No! I’m so sorry!”
Lord help me I don’t at all want other women to think I’m doing it as a form of critique of their house keeping. Or perhaps worse doing it as a false projection of my own cleanliness superiority. It literally has nothing to do with any of that….and once my therapist figures it out….I’ll get back to you on that one.
Very amusing to me is when I was a little girl I would toddle around the homes of family friends, and collect pieces of lint or debris on their carpets. I’d gather them up like a tiny scavenger hunt in my hands, and then present them to my mother. Like a cat proudly presenting prey to its master. I know right?! I hear it too…. its super weird and clearly this crazy goes far and deep…so deep into my subconscious mind. My mom would of course be very embarrassed by my behavior, and apologize,
Well surprise….forty years later I still do it. Okay….fast forward to last night, as I was cleaning up my kitchen. Standing at the counter talking to one of the children, I did my own counter sweep and scoop moment before tossing the contents into the sink.
Suddenly I heard TINK TA TINK TINK TONK TINK.
What was that?
Wait.
Nooooooo!
A few hours prior I’d extracted a tooth from the Boy’s mouth, left it sitting on the counter, returned to preparing dinner…and forgot about it. As soon as I heard the tinking sound against the basin of my stainless steel sink….I knew I had sure as nothing tossed a baby tooth down the bloody drain.
Yep……
Here’s the deal….the Boy is 10. He knows there’s no tooth fairy. Not via me of course….but clearly at the hand of a souless Changeling who rides his bus. Still it was the end of an era at least or him. His sisters however are little, and still believe in the magic. You know the story teller in me is all about the magic so I had to save this!!
Maturity and responsibility come much too soon and news flash kids…..being grown up is not that much fun. Don’t rush it…trust me on this one. Sure we make our fun in life, but during the fleeting season as a parent that you have the power to suspend belief…..you need to keep your kids in that magical bubble for as long as you can.
So obviously my four choices were as follows:
1. HONESTY: Id tell him I’d tossed the tooth. Risk dramatics, overhearing siblings, and essentially perpetuating the verbal murder of the tooth fairy. (This felt like DEFCON 6.)
2. BONE COLLECTING: Head to my bedroom where, not unlike a serial killer, I have a tiny repository of human teeth. Obviously belonging to my four children….otherwise this story is turning super dark, and that whole crumb psychosis confessional from earlier in this article might be making a lot more sense.
3. BRIBERY: The girls had no idea I’d even pulled the tooth, and so I could simply slide the kid cash, and buy his silence.
4. CONTACT A PROFESSIONAL: I could call our ah-max-ing Orthodontist Neal Kravitz, because I’m certain if I hadn’t possessed the arguably questionable repository of back up teeth that I did ….then he’d surely have been my go to guy to ask for a spare tooth.
I went with option 3 because it had the least amount of drama…..and contrary to what you may be thinking after reading this little diatribe….I really try and avoid drama.
So…what I’m really saying is this time my strange behavioral quirk took on an unexpected journey yesterday, and the very life of the Tooth Fairy hung in the balance…..that’s totally what you took away from this whole story too…..right?
Now if you’ll excuse me…..think it might be time to call my therapist again before things get out of hand.
Motherhood my friends….it’s not for the faint of heart.
Summer Smith is a speaker, writer, and motherhood blogger. She and her family are currently navigating the suburbs of Northern Virginia. As the mother to four young children, Summer maintains her sanity thanks to her sense of humor, copious amounts of coffee, and Amazon Prime. Maya Angelou once said, when reflecting on her childhood, that her mother left an impression like technicolor stars in the midnight sky. Influenced by these words, Summer blogs at her website Motherhood in Technicolor, and can also be found on her Motherhood in Technicolor Facebook page.