In 1892 Poet Samuel Coleridge penned these words, “All nature seems at work … The bees are stirring—birds are on the wing … and I the while, the sole unbusy thing, not honey make, nor pair, nor build, nor sing.” These words historically credited for the famed expression “the birds and the bees.” The words however; cannot be credited for the conversation that took place at my breakfast table this morning.
In a natural and perfectly evolving way a simple question about puberty arose as I was flipping bacon…..which lead to a statement by my 9 year old that boys have different changes than girls during puberty. The question was really more of a telling than an asking almost as if he wanted to assure me he was aware of the facts at hand.
We had gone through the book Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys by Dr Cara Natterson the summer before fourth grade in anticipation of the shift in health curriculum at school. Fourth grade they would discuss changes in the body, and in fifth grade….oh my in fifth grade they would discuss reproduction.
The spin our morning routine was that his well placed statements were being made in the presence of his first grade sister who ratcheted the conversation with her functional level when she chimed in with “and girls also develop breasts for babies”… This lead to a pretty solid category six level eye roll on the part of the Boy which Im actually more suspicious was about his annoyance to his little sister thinking she was in the know than sourced from actual embarrassment.
The Boy still clearly engaged in the conversation followed with, “I guess I’m gonna have to not care about any of that….this house is basically gonna be filled with breasts one day.”
With three sisters…..yes it will my sweet, simple son we will need to full on hunker down…..because in a few years it’s gonna get wild up in here! I thought but did not say aloud.
Then I did it….as I stood innocently as spreading butter on a piece of toast…..I went there as the words, “So what do you know about HOW babies are made?” slid right out of my mouth. It was an admittedly leading question, and I was shifting our talk from puberty right into reproduction and thats definitely unchartered territory.
I had already been suspicious that my ever-aware and always-listening boy may already know more than I’d like him to when it came to reproduction, but out of social courtesy has simply not told me. The school bus and lunch take are breeding grounds for topics out of parental ear shot.
The Blonde chimmed in with her answer to my question, “From food…..are the babies made from food?”
Before I could respond, the Boy shook his head in disgust, and said, “No! They are formed from cells that must be implanted.”
I remained calm….so eerily calm. “You are correct. It’s more complicated than that though…..do you know how those cells are created?”
{Silence…….}
I’ve always appreciated a word picture. I think it allows you to take a complicated subject and compare it to something simple and tangible.
“Let’s think of it like this” I began “it’s like a batter comprised of several ingredients. Those ingredients combine and they make something new and more amazing they they could ever be on their own.” I started.
{Yep I was totally going there.}
“Like when we make pancakes?” The Boy replied tracking with my ingredient concept.
“Exactly like that!” I shouted pointing at him. “Yes, and the man adds something….,” I continued. ”
The sperm…” the Boy interrupted confidently.
“Yes, and the woman adds the egg. Then the ingredients all mix together to form the cells or the Zygote you have been talking about.”
I could see his gears turning.
“Your mom believes the parts though are more than just cells…..I believe they are whispers of souls.”
“Whispers of souls? That makes babies sound very special.” The Boy replied.
“That’s because I believe they are special. Babies are innocence, hope, love, and promise. Alot of things have to happen perfectly to bring those little humans into the world. Babies are magic and happiness coated in the smell of sweetness and milk…..basically babies are a latte. And you know your momma loves a latte.” I said laughing.
“This is very true…..is that also why you love babies and had so many of us?” The Blonde who had been coloring the entire time suddenly contributed again to the conversation.
“That is exactly why. Now finish your cereal you two.” I replied smiling.
And just like that the conversation was done.
It was there….it evolved….it became layered….and it’s by no means the end. Because reproduction is always associated with sex but sex is not always associated with reproduction, and that conversation is much more layered.
For today this was enough, and it was a beautiful reminder that it didn’t need to be everything in one singular PowerPoint and flannel graph moment….like a strange form of informational waterboarding because a nervous parent just wants to get it done and check it off a proverbial parenting list.
Here’s my two scents…..the birds and bees is not a singular conversation. It’s a whole lotta physical, emotional, spiritual entanglement that needs to be made palatable to be truly understood. The biggest gift that morning was the knowing I can have natural conversations with my children, and am fostering an environment that is not just about me telling them scientific facts, but more about them knowing they can ask me any life question.
Motherhood lived in technicolor reminds me that our children will always ask questions….it’s what they do. The thing you must consider is who do you want them to be comfortable enough to ask those complex questions.
You might never crack the code for a perfectly, painless discussion on the birds and the needs, but thats okay. To you my parent warriors I say, embrace the awkward moments as a gift of implied trust. When I think of it like that I can only but smile, because trust is one of the most valued commodities, and should be seen as a cherished gift.
Summer Smith is a speaker, writer, and motherhood blogger. She and her family are currently navigating the suburbs of Northern Virginia. As the mother to four young children, Summer maintains her sanity thanks to her sense of humor, copious amounts of coffee, and Amazon Prime. Maya Angelou once said, when reflecting on her childhood, that her mother left an impression like technicolor stars in the midnight sky. Influenced by these words, Summer blogs at her website Motherhood in Technicolor, and can also be found on her Motherhood in Technicolor Facebook page.