Theodor Seuss Geisel, American writer, poet and cartoonist is best known by his pen name, Dr. Seuss. During his lifetime, Geisel published 46 children’s books, and was characterized by his imaginative characters and memorable anapestic rhythmic metric style. Unlike many writers, Geisel refused to be paid until after he had fully completed a book. He was a perfectionist and would take up to a year working on a book, in many cases throwing out 95% of his work until he had settled upon a theme and his underlying moral.
In 1984, Geisel was given a special Pulitzer Prize award, citing his half-century contribution to the education and enjoyment of America’s children and their parents. Dr. Seuss is quite possibly one of the greatest literary influences on the lives of our children during their most formative years. It could be argued that as parents, we would do well to follow the Dr. Seuss approach, taking care in our perfection and intentional preparation as to how we answer our children’s many questions.
The mother has come to believe, that young adults in this modern age, have convinced themselves, either out of a spirit of necessity or by dwelling in the shocking realm of denial that they are more prepared, more equipped, more enlightened when it comes to answering their hypothetical children’s age old questions about substances, relationships, intimacy, and identity than past generations. Prior to having children, we become quite certain that when we open our mouths the melodious and sage like wisdom that we will dispense, in the direction of our offspring, will serve as a compelling siren song, dripping in Seussical rhythmic meter and moral enlightenment that will catapult them into confident adulthood, devoid of uncertainty and regret.
It’s so easy to fall down this slippery slope and in our minds, we envision a reasonably mature child walking into the room, confident in their sense of identity, logical in their ability to reason, grounded in a foundation of values. We hear them asking us questions. We are not taken aback. We emit a spirit of openness. We applaud their evident journey of discovery.
We are prepared.
We pull out strategically placed laser pens. We have PowerPoint slides. We have colorful charts. We have tasteful diagrams. We emit words of resonation. We have thoughts filled with wisdom.
We are parenting….in its highest form.
Some time after this season of romanticized parenthood, couples find themselves in the early season of actual parenthood, where relatives and friends all too freely share wisdom on the correct manner in which to raise offspring. Amidst the barrage of unsolicited information, the mother feels few people give truly universally insightful advice on the unspoken truths of having multiple children.
For example, based on the addition of each child you elect to have, your laundry will exponentially increase by a factor of 1.6. Or based on the process of cellular skin rejuvenation, you need to weekly vacuum your entire home equal to the number of residents in your home. Or for each child you elect to have, you will loose 44 days of sleep in the first year of a child’s life and 39 days of sleep in the next 17 years. (The mother briefly pauses and shudders as she does some simple mathematical calculations.)
Perhaps the most significant statistical fact the mother has come to discover has to do with the volume of questions children will ask in a given day. During the formative toddler years, young children use nearly 50% of their brain’s processing power as they grow, develop, and learn. It’s one of the reasons they require so much more sleep than adults. Their brain needs to be recharged to start the process all over again the following day. Some scientists have speculated toddlers will ask over 200 questions in any given day, and as the mother of four small children that number is both overwhelming and alarming.
The mother ponders…what wisdom would Dr. Seuss share that might encourage her…”sometimes the questions are complicated, but the answers are simple.”
The mother and the blonde were coming down the stairs, when the blonde looked up at her mother and asked, “where do babies come from?” The mother’s foot stopped and was suspended in mid-air, hovering above the next step. She turned her head, as if in slow motion, and blinked twice as she looked down at the little blonde haired girl. The mother instantly thought of all the things she wished she had considered and read but nothing truly prepares you for moments like this. There was certainly no laser pen handy. There were no tastefully constructed charts nearby. There was just an inquisitive blonde haired girl….and silence.
The blonde, perhaps sensing the shock coupled with deafening silence, shrugged and said, “I know…..they come from the river…. where cute little ducks live.” The answer was utterly absurd and rooted in nothing that resembled scientific accuracy. Certainly a simple response like, “babies come from mommies tummies” would have been well placed and age appropriate when dealing with a three-year-old child. Embracing the springboard of the chicken rather than the egg as the what-came-first starting point for life, is most certainly an acceptable tactic when discussing conception with small children.
Instead, “Mmmm…..hmmm. Okay” was the only thing that come from the mother’s mouth. To quote a modern day expression of misaligned and mangled attempts at craftiness, popularized by the social media wonder Pintrest……NAILED IT!…were the sarcastic words that immediately filled the mother’s subconscious. (The mother fully acknowledges this moment of parenting was a complete and utter failure and she had far from… nailed anything.)
It quite suddenly dawned on the mother, that in that moment she had entered a new season. Just like all seasons in parenting, just when you get comfortable and find a foothold….you discover your children will have outgrown their current stage and you are yet again thrust into new and unchartered waters.
Thankful for this moment of insight, the mother vowed to ready herself more appropriately for the next big question the children might throw her way. The truth is children rarely ask questions when we expect them to and never in the way we might expect.
The mother ponders…what wisdom would Dr. Seuss share to encourage her… “sometimes you will never know the value of the moment, until it becomes a memory.”
As a child, the mother’s parents were of the belief that they would answer any question their children asked. Never allowing them to feel embarrassed by the inquiry but also cautious not to answer more than was specifically asked by their children. The mother had determined when she had children of an inquiring age she too would embrace such an open door, open-minded philosophy, but as with all philosophies, intuition and execution are two very different matters.
Approximately a week later, the boy and the blonde had barely entered the kitchen, when the blonde asked; “mom is my brother going to die?” Clearly their early morning discussions had taken a deep and somewhat dark turn. The mother slowly lifted her head and her eyes fell onto her beloved older children. The mother’s initial thought was to simply dismiss the question as unfounded and change the subject muttering something idealistic about children never dying, but something reminded her this was not the right thing to do.
And so as the children stood there, barefoot and pajama clad in the kitchen at 6:42 am, the question was heavy in the air. “Someday, someday he will die. We all die, but let’s hope not today.” the mother replied. The blonde seemed satisfied with the answer, but the boy was still pondering. “Why do people die?” the boy continued. “Sometimes people get sick, or they have an accident, or they just are old and their body wears out. God only gives us so many trips around the sun,” the mother replied. The boy sat silently looking at the table. “Why did papa die?” he asked. The mother could see the concern and wondering on his young face.
Several months prior the children had encountered their first brush with mortality. Their grandfather had passed away. Not living near their extended family, the children had not spent much time with the grandfather. Coincidentally, the parents had been working on a project in their basement and the grandfather had flown out to help them with the electrical portion of the project not long before his passing. This allowed the children to interact with the grandfather on a handful of occasions and actually get to know him better, an opportunity for which the mother had been very grateful.
Clearly the boy was still sorting out the details of life and death and mortality both for himself and most certainly for his grandfather. “Well, his heart was sick and it just stopped working,” the mother respond. The boy looked at the table for a few moments, the mother wondered what his mind might be thinking. How he was navigating this reality…this truth.
Suddenly, the boy lifted his head and with a look of sincere wonderment said, “mom…..why does the Incredible Hulk not get a costume…like the other super heroes?” The mother laughed. Clearly the conversation had taken a directional turn and the boy’s mind was off to entirely other matters. “Well….I think the bigger question is why the same physics that cause the shirt he is wearing to be ripped off his body do not apply to the pants as well. Shouldn’t the Hulk just be naked?” The boy looked at his mother, and throwing his head backwards he laughed as if his mother had made an absurd statement, revealing her clearly rudimentary knowledge of all things Marvel, and then ran off into the other room.
The mother ponders…what wisdom would Dr. Seuss share with her… “be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter won’t mind.”
The mother realizes one of the most precious gifts of childhood, is the ability to consider deep and meaningful issues without becoming crushed by their weight. The mother also realizes, she would be well served to think through several of the other issues the children might one day throw her way for certainly being proactive not reactive is a much more constructive approach to parenting and the affective answering of questions.
Certainly the mother…of course channeling Dr Seuss…. would do well to remember…..
A person is a person no matter how small. Their questions have value, so answer them all.
The days can feel long, yet the years quickly fly. So seize the day parents, while you’re still the go-to-guy.
The questions never stop; this fact is quite true. They simply stop being directed towards you.
So instill all your wisdom when your children are small, and when they are grown, pray they remember it all.
THE MOTHERHOOD IN TECHNICOLOR MEMO: Our children’s questions matter and as parents we have the unique ability to influence not only what they come to believe but also how they learn to process information and make decisions. I have determined that allowing our children to be question askers creates adults who are answer seekers. Our children’s souls are constantly searching for an understanding of self and their place in the world. Parenting is not about having all the enlightened answers it’s about being intentionally prepared for the inevitable questions. Remembering that we are never to old to think and wonder, wonder and think…thanks to our forever friend…Dr. Seuss.
Summer Smith is a speaker, writer, and motherhood blogger. She and her family are currently navigating the suburbs of Northern Virginia. As the mother to four young children, Summer maintains her sanity thanks to her sense of humor, copious amounts of coffee, and Amazon Prime. Maya Angelou once said, when reflecting on her childhood, that her mother left an impression like technicolor stars in the midnight sky. Influenced by these words, Summer blogs at her website Motherhood in Technicolor, and can also be found on her Motherhood in Technicolor Facebook page.