Quantum entanglement is the name given by Albert Einstein, Boris Podolsky, and Nathan Rosen to the interaction between groups or pairs of quantum systems in something they referred to the EPR Paradox. Within the quantum state, the elements appear to function not as independent particles but as corollary bodies. Most fascinating is the discovery that even separated over long distances the particles appear to respond as if still connected. Einstein referred to this phenomenon as spukhafte Fernwirkung or “spooky at a distance.” The theory, though widely debated and misunderstood, presents the notion that entities within nature could possess a bond so strong that even separation and distance cannot break.
The mother has sat down with a cup of coffee to take a brief reprieve after the morning breakfast and clean up ritual. Based on her rough calculations the mother is involved in meal preparation, disbursement and clean up at roughly 20+ hours a week making the food aspect of motherhood the equivalent of a part time job. (The mother makes a mental note to add food service coordinator to her resume.)
The mother has earned a coffee break.
The boy sits down next to the mother with his iPad, ready to engross himself in a game of Minecraft. The boy begins to construct a world comprised of bricks, torches and based on the boy’s election an unnaturally large quantity of TNT. (The mother makes a mental note to later discuss with the boy the fact that blowing things up is not the only function of the game and that pursing construction rather than deconstruction might be more rewarding.)
The blonde, brunette and the baby are playing in the playroom and the mother smiles as she looks on the scene. It warms her heart when the girls are interacting nicely. The older girls have selected a Melissa and Doug button art toy which is truly a genius invention…..bridging color matching, hand dexterity and artistic fun all into one winning toy. The blonde has chosen a picture of a princess frog, possessing a great affinity for all things pink and princess. The brunette complies and they begin searching for the corresponding colored pegs needed to complete the image.
After a few moments of peaceful interaction, something shifts. The play begins to turn contentious. The blonde has quickly become annoyed with the brunettes inability to correctly match the colored pegs to their corresponding locations. The brunette has become troubled by the fact that she continues to witness the blonde removing her deliberately chosen pegs and placing them in alternate, and under literal non-artistic interpretations, “correct” locations. The baby as if drawn like a moth to the flame, leaves the toy bin she has found herself engrossed in, and crawls towards her sisters.
Upon reaching the blonde and the brunette, the baby very proudly pulls herself up to a standing posture at the edge of the activity table. Her bright blue eyes scanning just above the table’s edge, she smiles and with lips still held in an open position allows a stream of drool to fall in faucet-like flow from her mouth.
The tension between the blonde and the brunette is starting to escalate. The mother, two steps ahead of the events that are looming on the horizon, offers guidance to the blonde by tossing out, “Remember what Daniel Tiger would say, ‘when you feel like you want to roar……take a deep breath…and count to four’.” Daniel Tiger is the Dr. Phil of toddlers. A morally and emotionally enhanced Tiger, brought to you by the great and powerful Oz himself, friend of the 80’s, and brown sweaters everywhere…Mr. Fred Rogers. The man was a pillar in the mother’s formative years and he continues to offer sage wisdom posthumously through this extremely enlightened cartoon tiger.
The blonde takes a breath. The mother feels wise, as if some of her calm wisdom is indeed reaching its intended mark. This emotional high is fleeting.
As events would have it the brunette, often given to a much quicker physical response to tension, sensing the game is not going her way reacts quickly…. snatching the art board up into her arms, spins as if preparing to run out of the room. “No!!!!” the blonde lets out. “YELLOW!!!!!” the brunette yells. In times of frustrated debate the brunette has of late been utilizing the word yellow as her go to rebuttal of choice. Clearly the term yellow does not mean what the toddler thinks it means. (The mother makes a mental note to again go over the color flash cards with the brunette after her nap.)
“Girls, put the board down and play nicely or mommy is going to have to take that away,” the mother directs. The baby fascinated by the interplay simply scans back and forth from the blonde to the brunette as if watching an emotional tennis match.
The blonde seems to have reached a tipping point following the brunette’s very passive aggressive toy-taking attempt, and her hands are slowly coiling into tightly clenched fists. The mother, seeing this change in body posture quickly says, “Stop….you are getting too upset. Step back from your sister. Separate yourself from the situation.” The blonde appears to be in great internal conflict. Her face is clenching much like her hands. Her body posture is ridged and despite all pleadings by the mother she seems unable to move from her firmly planted position near the activity table to simply walk away.
The brunette looks up, her eyes meeting the blonde’s laser glare. The brunette looks down quickly snatching the picture of the princess frog off the tray replacing it instead with a picture of a car; she casts a challenging glance towards the blonde.
The blonde’s eyes narrow and darken.
The mother jumps from her place on the nearby couch and lunges towards the girls.
The blonde swings, hitting the brunette firmly on the arm.
The brunette screams!
The blonde cries, “she’s not sharing!”
Sharing is a term known and accepted in toddler circles as an action one must do with their belongings. It is also a misused justification for toddlers taking anything they want from another child and their behavior no matter how unsavory is covered by the notion that the other child, clearly affronted is in fact simply not being a good sharer. (The mother makes a mental note to remind the children that taking something and then telling the other person they need to share it, is not how sharing actually works.)
“Sis-ter hit-ting me!” the brunette, in an over emphasized tone, informs the mother now holding the girls at arms length. “You girls need to be nice sister friends.” “Sister friends” is the term the mother has elected to use in an attempt to get the girls to not only tolerate but bond with each other. This bonding task is clearly not going to be an easy one in the years ahead.
The mother inquires, “Are we going to play nicely girls?” “Yes” the blonde and brunette respond in chorus. The mother does not believe them and casts a stern look their direction as if in an undeclared blinking contest.
Rising to return to the couch, the blonde and the brunette, apparently in the 8 seconds the mother turned her back on them, have decided to simultaneously channel their current strife towards the direction of the baby. A sharp cry lets out. The baby is now sitting on the floor. The mother whips around towards the girls, “what happened!?!”
The blonde and the brunette are silent. Neither of the girls seem to know anything about why the baby seems to be upset or has found herself two feet from the activity table.
The mother walks back, scooping up the baby in one arm, she picks up the toy and places it on the shelf out of reach. “Girls, playing with our sisters is supposed to be fun. We need to be nice….to each other.” The mother suggests the girls switch gears and come play with Play-Doh for a while where their aggression can be more constructively channeled into the molding and manipulation of modeling clay.
The boy looks up….. completely unaware that the last 17 minutes has even transpired. “Oh, Play-Doh….. fun” he chimes in and joins his sisters at the table.
Walking to retrieve the Play-Doh, the mother’s eyes fall onto a board book by Sandra Boynton, resting on the stairs. Entitled, One, Two, Three! the opening line of which states, “One is good for a quiet walk. Two is good for a quiet talk. Three is good for having tea or for counting one, two, three.” Three, according to Ms. Boyton can be an enchanting gathering brought together by the bonds of a relaxing visit over a warm steeped beverage. The mother thinks Ms. Boyton might have a little too much faith in the power of tea but that’s a discussion for another day.
The mother pauses and thinks based upon todays events perhaps the poem should actually read something a little more like this, “One is good for quiet play, two press each other’s buttons off and on all day. Three means one can be often left out, discord causing all three to scream, cry and shout. Play is a balance of song and strife, but through laughter and tears a sister can be… a friend for life.”
The motherhood in technicolor memo: Raising children is a process. Raising quality children is a challenge. Mother’s often repeat the same rules and guidance over and over throughout the day. Often times the process can grow frustrating and feel ineffectual with small children.
Then one day you look across a room. Your children are playing nicely. They are laughing. They would do anything to comfort or defend their siblings. The have become…..relationally entangled, bound together by an unbreakable bond….or as the mother likes to think of it….they have become “sister-friends.”
Summer Smith is a speaker, writer, and motherhood blogger. She and her family are currently navigating the suburbs of Northern Virginia. As the mother to four young children, Summer maintains her sanity thanks to her sense of humor, copious amounts of coffee, and Amazon Prime. Maya Angelou once said, when reflecting on her childhood, that her mother left an impression like technicolor stars in the midnight sky. Influenced by these words, Summer blogs at her website Motherhood in Technicolor, and can also be found on her Motherhood in Technicolor Facebook page.