The Toddler Bed Tipping Point Transition

The term tipping point, a physics term used to describe equilibrium displacement, was first popularized as a sociological concept in the 1960’s by a political science professor named Morton Grodzins. The professor altered the scientific term and shifted its connotation to speak to small shifts in human behaviors ultimately impacting greater change.

In 2000, author Malcolm Gladwell published his acclaimed best seller, Tipping Points: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference. Gladwell defined a tipping point as “the moment of critical mass, the threshold, the boiling point”. The book sought to explain how small, mysterious, sociological shifts can upset and alter human behavior.

Malcolm Gladwell says in his work on tipping points, “In the end, Tipping Points are a reaffirmation of the potential for change and the power of intelligent action. Look at the world around you. It may seem like an immovable, implacable place. It is not. With the slightest push—in just the right place—it can be tipped.”

The mother is not entirely sure when it started happening. As with many things in the raising of small children, days can quickly turn into weeks amidst the cycles of ever-repeating, toddler rearing. It’s very easy not to notice just how long something has been going on until one day you realize habits and unsavory behaviors have begun to take over your life.

The brunette had always been a very good napper, and in a larger family the nap functions as a sanity and survivalist must for the mother. The boy and the blonde had both stopped napping around the age of two and transitioned seamlessly into the taking of a daily quiet time. From the mother’s perspective, a mid-day break was an essential element no matter the state of wakefulness verses slumber.

The boy and the blonde had always been more compliant children when it came to following the mother’s established protocols and guidelines. The mother was often reminded, that on many fronts, the brunette did not approach life or transitions in the same manner as her older siblings. (The mother makes a mental note to ask her own mother if she ever possibly created a small voodoo doll and uttered the words “I hope you get one… just like you.”) When it came to chaperoning the brunette through her toddler years, the mother is fairly certain the little girl is the embodiment of some form of penance or irony-made-flesh for behaviors exhibited during her own youth.

The brunette was nearly three years old now and still faithfully took a daily nap. The mother would argue in light of the brunette’s high-octane approach to life, that the daily REM reboot was an essential component in helping the brunette and the mother successfully navigate the day until bedtime. Lately, the brunette had started demonstrating some very anxious tendencies when being put down for an afternoon nap or for bed at night.

The mother referred to it as an unexplained OCD spiral. “Another book…..one more song….just a little more water……put the animals in my bed…..take the animals out of my bed….,” the brunette would anxiously chant. Often she would attempt to loop through the requests again. The entire theatrics were growing old quickly for the mother who was often in need of the end-of-day separation if not as much…..possibly more…..than the toddler herself.

No matter if the mother met the demands of the toddler’s repetitive requests or not, of late the brunette would burst into tears as soon as the mother went to leave the room. After a few moments of weepy protest, the brunette would eventually concede and give way to sleep. Though the mother was winning the perceived battle, she could not shake the feeling that something had shifted for the brunette, and she was losing the war.

Over the Christmas holiday, the mother observed that despite going through all the same compulsive paces, the brunette was suddenly not falling asleep in the afternoon at all. All of the stress was seemingly not resulting in the ultimate outcome, and this new reality troubled the mother. The mother realized, in light of this tipping point, there needed to be a change in her approach.

The mother has always believed in the concept of child-rearing tipping points. These tipping points are a readjustment made necessary after a displacement in a child’s established equilibrium.

In the case of the brunette, sleep was heading towards tipping point status. The mother was determined to regain control of her seemingly slipping foothold as to the little girl’s perception of her bedroom being a restful sanctuary. The mother can only surmise, based upon the resulting reaction, that bedtime for the brunette was being associated with the undesirable states of solitude and isolation.

The day after Christmas, on the heels of yet another dramatic scene followed by no actual nap, the mother informed the father, “I think #3 is ready for a little shake up. Even though I don’t entirely understand why…. something has clearly changed at sleeping time. We need to get ahead of this thing. I think I’m going to convert her crib into the toddler bed.”

The father blinked and replied, “If you think that’s best.” The mother was fairly certain she saw a little skepticism in the father’s eyes. So much energy was spent just to get the brunette to sleep in her crib over the course of the first year, that the mother empathized with his concern about starting the game all over again. (The mother, with a tip of the hat to Monopoly, thought…do not pass go. Go directly to bedtime jail for an undetermined period of time. Look into the possibility of offering a college student $200 to toddler-bed transition her child.)

Ultimately with small children, tipping points make adjustments, even though potentially undesirable for the parent, necessary for the toddler’s physical and emotional advancement.

“Honey! Come here and help me with this project, ” the mother called towards the brunette.

“What is happening mommy?” the brunette asked.

“You….. are getting to have a new big girl room….. and bed!” the mother replied placing extra emphasis on the words big girl as if it were a destination rather than a state of being.

The brunette’s eyes got very wide, and as she whipped her head to the left in search of the blonde, she proclaimed, “Did you hear that? Mommy is giving me a big girl bed! I’m a big girl!” The mother was uncertain how the blonde would respond but her participation in the exaggerated thrill was critical to the success of this transition endeavor.

“Yeah!!! That….is….so….much….fun,” the blonde responded placing extra emphasis on each word. The blonde cast an arguably knowing glance in the direction of the mother, who simply mouthed the reply, “thank you.”

The timing of the transition was optimal, since the girls had just opened several new items at Christmas. The mother was able to organize, rearrange and set up toys in both rooms in an effort to make them a welcoming place to daily occupy 90 minutes for an afternoon quiet time.

The baby simply stood watching her sisters with heightened interest, not entirely sure what all the excitement was about. She very much absorbed the energy in the air, however; as the mother watched her participate in one of her trademark thrill activities…..spinning. The baby was a big fan of spinning around a room, from what the mother can only assume was related to her need for adrenaline. The baby would inevitably spin so quickly that she would lose her footing and equilibrium, collapsing onto the floor. Even though the mother did not think the spinning was a good idea, the mother refused to allow a critical tone to diminish the spirit of the big girl bed.

The brunette was so thrilled with the new room configuration that after the mother had everything in place she asked, “Can we play in here for a little longer mommy?”

The blonde jumped up and down and said, “Can we, mommy….can we?”

“That’s fine with me. You girls have fun…..but be good…. sister-friends,” the mother directed, as she scooped up the baby to carry her downstairs. The mother was very pleased with the level of excitement surrounding the change and wondered why adults did not exhibit equal levels of thrill when it came to change themselves?

Part of the risk assumed, when allowing one’s toddler unfettered bedroom freedom and personal decision-making power, is the high probability that they simply might also elect not to take an afternoon nap. The mother had determined if the brunette’s decision to not nap lead to minimized sleep-associated anxiety than it was a risk, considering the brunette’s age, she was now willing to assume. She was curious to see how the subsequent day’s quiet times would go, however; but that was a part of the transition still yet to be explored.

Tonight was the first and greatest hurdle…..bedtime in the new bed. The two good things a parent has going for them at night are darkness and melatonin. It’s much easier to convince a toddler it’s time to sleep when both nature and body chemistry are working in sync with a parents call for bedtime.

The mother went through all the traditional nightly steps of her bath-books-bed routine. For her evening reading selection, the brunette chose Olivia Saves the Circus by Ian Falconer. A tale of a precocious pig, filling in for every act at a circus when all of the other participants find themselves sick and unable to perform. The selection was quite a logical choice the mother thought for her equally precocious toddler. After the book was completed, the mother stated, “Okay, let’s get into your bed.”

Allowing the brunette to walk to and climb into the bed of her own will, rather than being banished there, the mother hoped would offer the brunette a sense of empowerment. The strategic move was indeed effective, as the little girl willing climbed into her bed.

At the end of the day, toddler tipping points predominantly occur when toddlers seek to find balance between their shifting physical parameters, their heightened emotional personas, and their blossoming intellectual proclivities.

Before allowing any form of panic or the dreaded repeated requests to begin, the mother simply turned off the light and laid down silently on the floor next to the bed. The brunette looked at the mother with a slightly perplexed but relieved expression.

The mother was amazed how quickly it appeared the brunette seemed to forget she was even lying next to her on the floor. The mother felt she was suddenly transported into a world of imagination as a sort of bedtime stowaway and nearly held her breath in the darkness not wanting to shatter the magic of the moment as she overheard full conversations taking place between the brunette and her elephant.

The brunette told her beloved, stuffed animal-companion all about her day and of course about her transition to the big girl bed. Mr. Elephant, it would seem was equally enthusiastic about the prospect of independence and at one point the mother heard the brunette let out a full belly laugh at a turn of phrase, clearly amusing and most certainly clever, that Mr. Elephant had uttered. The mother found herself smiling in the darkness.

After fifteen minutes or so the mother heard the brunette’s breathing shift, taking on a slower, deeper rhythm. The mother realized sleep had taken hold of the brunette, and this was her chance to exit the room. If you have ever attempted to sneak out of the room of a sleeping child, you can attest that every floor creek feels extra amplified and somehow you seem to find every possible one. The escape process is precarious at best and a successful departure, the mother is quite certain, offers a similar euphoric thrill as an actual prison break.

Lying on her back in the darkness the mother decided to make her move. The mother began inching towards the doorway. She suddenly felt a chuckle well up inside of her as she thought about the famous cinematic scene from the1999 Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones film Entrapment. The scene involved a toned, agile, body suit wearing Zeta-Jones acrobatically making her way across a laser saturated room in an effort to obtain a priceless mask. What was happening in the toddler’s room, should the lights be turned on in that exact moment, the mother can assure you looked NOTHING like that display of agility. The mother was engaged instead in a series of micro movements, while remaining flat on her back, inching her way across the floor, with the agility of a beached octopus as it slugs in a spastic, floundering migration back to the embrace of the ocean. While the mother’s bedroom escape plan may have been rather unattractive and totally lacked cat burglar levels of grace and agility, it was undeniably an effective floor-creaking, minimization technique.

The mother realized as she closed the bedroom door, that though challenging at times, it was the art of observing her children’s tipping points, such as the readiness of the brunette to move to the big girl bed, that would ultimately enable her to successfully navigate the years ahead. This particular tipping point was but one in a long line of subsequent shifts in the equilibrium of her relationship with the brunette, and for tonight….the mother experienced one of those fleeting motherhood moments of personal affirmation as she heard herself utter the words……”I think we just might survive these toddler years after all.”

The Motherhood in Technicolor Memo: One of our more interesting roles as a parent, is serving as a tipping point guide for our children. The great lie in all of the parenting books that people gave you when you were expecting your first baby, is that within their insightful pages there might be a secret formula for success. There is no perfect formula, there is simply struggle, persistence, achievement, failure, education, clarification, transition and maturity all bathed in a sea of unconditional love.

Anticipating and helping our children to navigate their inevitable tipping points will allow us to parent, in its purest form. Once we release ourselves from the idea of achieving parenting perfection, we can recapture the magic in change and cherish the one-day-at-a-time gift of individual victories. Our children will evolve through a series of tipping points. Teaching them how to recognize and navigate these transitions successfully might be amongst the most valuable tools we can offer them. How we model the element of change in our children’s lives when they are young will set off a chain of events into adulthood.

There is a powerful quote by Maya Angelou which says, “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” Somewhere along the way, we tucked away our childlike enthusiasm for change…..perhaps it’s time we got it back.

Author: Summer Smith

Summer Smith is a speaker, writer, and motherhood blogger. She and her family are currently navigating the suburbs of Northern Virginia. As the mother to four young children, Summer maintains her sanity thanks to her sense of humor, copious amounts of coffee, and Amazon Prime. Maya Angelou once said, when reflecting on her childhood, that her mother left an impression like technicolor stars in the midnight sky. Influenced by these words, Summer blogs at her website Motherhood in Technicolor, and can also be found on her Motherhood in Technicolor Facebook page.

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